??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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