so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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