I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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