Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
