The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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