She bit a glass in half.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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