I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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