margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
