I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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