No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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