Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
