Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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