had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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