At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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