I'm so fucking centered right now
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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