don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
