My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She's the barista slut.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
