Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
