So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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