On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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