If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
