he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
