WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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