Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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