Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Randomize
