she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
