Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
