Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize