The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
