I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Is it because I queefed?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
