Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
