Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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