I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
