I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the day after is always just damage control
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
