there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
