Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
