You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
