I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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