so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
