he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
