I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
