If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
