There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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