The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize