saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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