I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
