Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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