1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize