bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
pray to the hookup gods
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
