i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She told me I should be a condom model.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize