Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
