i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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