We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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