hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
