So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I wish there were birth control emojis
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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