I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
