If i come over, it means nothing
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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