I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
