i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
