my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
