He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
