Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
