Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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