Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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