smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize