I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
