Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
