I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
