ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
