In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
