The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
