then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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