when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize